When it comes to raising kids, most parents would agree that they just want to raise good, kind humans who treat others with respect and empathy.
So when situations involving bullying arise, parents want to think of their child as the defender (at best) or an innocent bystander (at worst).
But what happens when YOUR kid is the bully?
How a Mom Reacted When She Discovered Her Son Had Bullied a Black Girl
It was a “normal evening” for mom of four, Carey Mitch, when she received a disconcerting phone call regarding her son.
“I’m sitting at home, kids get off the bus, we’re doing our normal evening routine, and all of a sudden I get a phone call,” Carey (@mamamitch) said in a now-viral TikTok.
“From an aunt, saying her niece got off the bus crying because MY son called her niece out of her name when he got off the bus because she was Black.”
(For those unfamiliar with the term “out of her name” it’s an idiom that means to insult or address someone disrespectfully, often by using a derogatory term or slur instead of their actual name.)
Carey’s first thought? Oh heck no. “Not my son. Ain’t no way that was my son.”
But unfortunately, “it absolutely was.”
With the woman on speakerphone, Carey confronted her son, asking him point blank what he said to the little girl. “His face? Immediate guilt,” she said.
Knowing there was no use denying it and that his mom doesn’t tolerate bullying, he quickly apologized. It wasn’t nearly enough. Carey wasn’t playin’.
Appalled and upset by her son’s actions, she decided to do something about it then and there.
“I need your address,” Carey told the aunt. “Because me and my son are on our way to your house so that he can apologize to your niece to her face.”
However, they didn’t show up empty-handed. Along the way, the mother-son duo stopped off at a store so he could pick out apology gifts for the girl he bullied.
Mom Stands Up Against Bullying By Standing Up Against Her Son
In the long car ride over to the aunt’s house, Carey took the opportunity to have a frank and open discussion with her son about “how what he did was wrong.”
Carey made it clear that he needed to be “completely and totally 100% intentional with his apology.” Her son didn’t disappoint. He gave the girl the gifts, apologized, and the two parted with a hug.
This could just as easily have gone south. The reality is that it can be difficult for parents to accept their kids’ failings. It’s easier to turn a blind eye or deny any wrongdoing than to face the glaring truth that our children aren’t perfect.
But instead of rushing to her son’s defense or downplaying the seriousness of his actions, Carey took a firm stand refusing to condone or defend her son’s wrong actions.
“I never thought my child would do something like that. As much as I lecture them on bullying and being kind to people and stand up for people that are being bullied I never expected that out of my son,” Carey admitted. “One thing’s for sure and two things for certain — he’s not gonna do it again,” she added.
Since posting her video on TikTok it’s gone viral, with over 7.2 million views and nearly 35,000 comments. While not everyone appreciated her mention of corporal punishment, people applauded and praised her decision to hold her son accountable.
“I’m a bus driver & I wish we had more parents like you,” wrote one commenter.
“Holding kids accountable like that is another necessary layer of love. As an educator I thank you and wish more parents had this approach,” wrote another.
“You taught him an amazing lesson that day and allowed that little girl to heal a hurt. Great work, mama!!!” said a third.
For others, it wasn’t just about teaching an important lesson, it was healing.
“This healed something in me. [I] grew up in a small country town, some white boys called me out of my name multiple times and when i finally reported it to a principal and it was relayed back to parents i got a, “They said they would never say that and we believe them” from both parents and principal,” one commenter shared, adding, “Good on you maam for raising your child the way i wished people would have raised theirs when i was growing up.”
It’s Not Enough to Apologize
For Carey, it wasn’t just about apologizing to the little girl for calling her a derogatory name, it was about teaching her son a valuable life lesson: To be responsible and accountable for his words and actions.
And frankly, it isn’t always easy.
There’s a lot of time, effort, and tireless work that goes into shaping our children’s attitudes and behaviors. And sometimes? They still make poor choices.
While we can’t control what our kids say or do, we can control the messages they hear from us about how to treat others.
As their parents, it’s our responsibility to continue to show up and teach them how to navigate the world with kindness, empathy, and respect. It truly does start at home.
*Featured image contains photo by RDNE Stock project
