The Power of Boundaries: How Unresolved Emotions Impact Our Relationships and the Path to Being Heard and Understood
By Jan Yuhas, M.A., MFT and Jillian Yuhas, M.A., MFT, authors of Boundary Badass: A Powerful Method For Elevating Your Value and Relationships
In our fast-paced, interconnected world, emotional triggers are a common experience. These triggers, often remnants of unresolved past experiences in childhood or unhealthy relationships, can dramatically influence our interactions in both personal and professional settings. Understanding and addressing these triggers is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and aligning with our core values, which, in turn, helps us set boundaries and honor our authentic truth.
Understanding Emotional Triggers
Emotional triggers are reactions to environmental stimuli—words, actions, or situations—that evoke strong emotional reactions. These reactions often stem from past experiences, traumas, or unresolved conflicts. When triggered, our reactions can be disproportionate to the current situation, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and strained relationships.
For instance, a colleague’s constructive criticism might trigger feelings of inadequacy rooted in past experiences of harsh judgment from a parent. In personal relationships, a partner’s innocent comment might evoke an intense emotional response due to unresolved insecurities or past hurts. When these emotional reactions go unhealed then we may end up projecting onto the new person based on past experiences. This can lead to a spiraling effect of ongoing patterns that sabotage one’s lifestyle and relationships.
The Impact on Relationships
- Personal Relationships:
- Miscommunication: Emotional triggers can cloud our judgment and hinder effective communication. Instead of responding to the present situation, we react based on past hurts, leading to miscommunication and conflict. Many times these emotional triggers are a reflection of our attachment style with a parent and a core wound that is still festering. So rather than addressing the issue with the parent, it is now being projected onto the relationship with a partner, friend, or another family member.
- Trust Issues: When unresolved emotions surface, they can erode creating trust in present connections. Overreacting to minor issues or projecting past experiences onto a partner can create an atmosphere of tension and insecurity.
- Professional Relationships:
- Workplace Conflicts: In a professional setting, unresolved triggers can result in conflicts with colleagues, managers, or executives. An unaddressed fear of failure or even a fear of success may lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms such as perfectionism, procrastination, control, assumptions, overthinking, defensiveness, etc.
- Reduced Productivity: Emotional discontentment can drain mental and emotional energy, reducing overall productivity and performance. This can impact job career growth, company culture, and revenue streams.
Aligning with Core Values
Core values are the fundamental beliefs that guide our behaviors and decision-making processes. Aligning with these values helps us stay true to ourselves, even in the face of emotional triggers. When we understand and live by our core values, we can set healthy boundaries and respond to situations more authentically.
When someone reacts based on their emotional triggers they are often in their ego state. This tends to only escalate conflicts and leads to greater disconnects in relationships. On the contrary, when a person is able to respond to an emotional trigger from a place of value this allows them to communicate from heart-centered thinking. Operating from values, individuals are more inclined to be heard and understood as values are universally respected, whereas emotions are often one-sided perspectives.
- Self-Reflection:
- Identify Triggers: Reflect on past experiences and identify recurring emotional triggers. Understanding the root cause of these triggers is the first step towards addressing them. Identifying triggers may be, “I feel ignored”, “I feel blindsided”, or “I feel betrayed” to name a few.
- Acknowledge Core Values: Identify your core values—honesty, integrity, trust, communication, transparency, etc. These values serve as a compass, guiding your reactions and interactions. Often the value we need to meet is the opposite of the emotional trigger. So in short, our values are our voice to getting our deeper needs met in a way in which everyone else can better understand us.
- Setting Boundaries:
- Communicate Clearly: Once aware of your triggers and core values, communicating your boundaries becomes quite clear and simple. When we are in alignment with our authentic truth, aka our value system, we can assertively speak from a place of high-value and commend the respect we deserve. Not only does this improve our own mental peace, but it reduces the likelihood of triggering situations and bridges the disconnects in our relationships.
- Respect Yourself: Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. It reinforces your commitment to honoring your authentic self and protecting your emotional well-being. And, when we set boundaries from a We Mindset, rather than a Me Mindset, not only do we meet our personal needs but we also meet the needs of our relationships for growth and elevation. Boundaries aren’t meant to shut others out, like ultimatums do. They are cultivated to build greater trust and clarity in our relationships.
- Emotional Regulation:
- Mindfulness Practices: It can be challenging to set boundaries if we aren’t emotionally regulated. Self-love is how we nourish our mental and emotional health daily and it only takes ten minutes at most. Try engaging in mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling. These practices can help you stay grounded and respond to triggers calmly and thoughtfully. When we aren’t emotionally regulated then we may inadvertently give away our power to someone who triggered us.
- Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to seek support from a counselor or coach. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights and coping strategies for managing emotional triggers.
How Boundaries Elevate Your Value and Relationships
1. Enhances Self-Respect and Confidence
When you set boundaries, you affirm your self-worth and demonstrate that you value your needs and feelings. This self-respect fosters confidence, as you no longer feel compelled to compromise your well-being to accommodate others. Confident individuals are often seen as more reliable and trustworthy, which enhances their value in both personal and professional relationships. By respecting your own boundaries, you set a standard for how others should treat you, leading to more respectful and balanced interactions.
2. Fosters Healthy Communication
Boundaries encourage open and honest communication by establishing clear standards. When both parties understand each other’s limits, it becomes easier to discuss issues without fear of overstepping or causing unintended harm. This clarity reduces misunderstandings and conflicts, fostering a more harmonious relationship. Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, and boundaries play a vital role in facilitating this.
3. Prevents Frustration, Resentment, and Distrust
Without boundaries, you may find yourself constantly giving to others, leading to distrust and resentment. Setting boundaries allows you to manage your emotions and needs effectively, ensuring your voice is heard and understood while simultaneously creating mutual respect in your relationships, both personally and professionally.
Boundaries are essential for maintaining self-respect, cultivating healthy communication, and preventing disconnection. By setting and maintaining clear boundaries, you elevate your value in relationships and create a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle. The power of boundaries will enhance your interactions and protect your emotional well-being when you embark on the journey of reading, Boundary Badass: A Powerful Method for Elevating Your Value and Relationships. Are you ready to reclaim your power? Grab Boundary Badass here.
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Jan Yuhas, M.A., MFT and Jillian Yuhas, M.A., MFT are Relationship and Conflict Resolution Consultants, and international best-selling authors of Boundary Badass: A Powerful Method For Elevating Your Value and Relationships. Jan and Jillian have coached highly ambitious executives, companies, and families for more than a decade on building stronger relationships, developing leadership growth, and mastering the art of setting boundaries both personally and professionally. Packed with practical advice and techniques, individuals can navigate challenging conversations with ease and cultivate relationship alignment – with family, romantic partners, colleagues, friends, and more. Their collective wisdom and Boundary Badass Method will create a path toward unlocking success in personal and professional relationships. Discover more at www.janandjillian.com
