Stress appears to have become a staple of modern life. In fact, according to one recent study, 84% of Americans report feeling stressed at least once a week. Gallup reports half of all Americans (49%) report frequently experiencing stress.
And those numbers are only getting worse—49% is 16 points higher than two decades ago and the highest on record!
This is not good news.
Stress affects more than just our mood. It influences every part of our lives, from our health to our relationships. As most of us know, chronic stress is a significant contributor to heart disease, anxiety, depression, and even obesity. It weakens our immune systems, disrupts sleep, and clouds our ability to think clearly.
And while some of the health consequences may feel long-term or go unnoticed in our day-to-day, we feel the short-term negative effects all too well.
We go to bed thinking about what we didn’t accomplish today and wake up already stressed about what tomorrow holds. We feel the constant weight of responsibility on our shoulders. We hate how stress keeps us from being our best partner or parent. And we often turn to unhealthy addictions for relief.
It’s exhausting.
But here’s the thing: It doesn’t need to be this way.
Yes, of course, life has its challenges and some stress is unavoidable. But much of the stress we carry—believe it or not—is self-imposed. It’s stress we needlessly bring into our lives.
I’ll explain what I mean in a moment. But before I do, don’t get defensive. This is amazingly good news. If we’re needlessly bringing stress into our lives, we also have the power to let it go.
Let me explain.
There are genuine stressors in life that no one can avoid. Life is painful and complicated. It is never easy and often requires us to carry a heavy burden. According to the experts, the top five stressful life events include: the death of a loved one, divorce, moving, a major illness or injury, and job loss. No doubt, all of these are significant, painful disruptions to life that affect all of us.
They are unavoidable over the course of a lifetime. These are the kinds of events that metaphorically tear the rug out from underneath our feet and require focus, energy, and bandwidth to deal with. We don’t choose them, but we have to live through them. And stress accompanies that reality.
I am not saying that all stress is avoidable and unnecessary.
But there are other sources of stress in our lives that are avoidable. Stressors that, while we don’t intentionally invite them into our lives, we feel each day because of the choices we make, the pressures we put on ourselves, and the habits we maintain.
This stress is avoidable. And we would be wise to recognize when we are allowing it in.
Consider just this partial list of some of the ways we unnecessarily invite stress into our lives:
Trying to Keeping Up with the Joneses
From the latest gadgets and newest cars to the greenest yard and most luxurious homes, we often measure success by comparing ourselves to others.
But this comparison creates a never-ending cycle of both desire and dissatisfaction—leading us to chase harder and harder after a finish line of contentment we will never arrive at. It is a formula for stress that can never be overcome.
Over-Scheduling Ourselves
Some of us choose to wear busy as a badge of honor. When we do, we pack our schedules with too many commitments in too little time, and invite stress into our lives.
Are there seasons of life that are busy? Certainly. But there is also a somewhat prevalent cultural belief that being busy equates to being successful.
So we overestimate what we can accomplish in a day, adding more and more, and this constant busyness leaves little time for rest or reflection. When we don’t leave space for ourselves, we become overwhelmed, burnt out, and unable to fully enjoy any of the activities we’ve scheduled.
Unnecessary Relationship Drama
All around are relationships. We have relationships at work, in our extended families, in our neighborhoods, and in our social communities (and probably a dozen other areas too).
There are times when relationships need work. But when we invite drama into our families or workplaces by overreacting or gossiping or miscommunication, we spend mental energy on conflicts that don’t advance our relationships, our work, or personal well-being. These distractions consume our time and emotional energy—even when they don’t need to.
FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)
In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s easy to feel like we need to know everything, be everywhere, and do everything. The pressure to keep up with every social event, keep up with every trend, and stay both informed and involved in every opportunity creates a constant state of stress. Social media amplifies this fear, convincing us that if we’re not present, we’re somehow missing out. But trying to be everywhere only leaves us exhausted and disconnected.
Trying to Impress People
The desire to impress others can be a powerfully motivating force. Whether through our achievements, possessions, or social status, we often invest time and energy into projecting a certain image. But the constant striving to maintain appearances is exhausting and rarely fulfilling. It creates a cycle of anxiety where we never feel good enough, even after reaching milestones we thought would bring validation.
Perfectionism
The need to be perfect—whether at work, in our relationships, in our looks, in our personal development, or even in our hobbies—often leads to unnecessary stress. Perfectionism sets unrealistic standards that are impossible to meet, leaving us feeling like failures even when we’ve done our best. The type of stress that perfectionism invites into our lives, in this regard, is unnecessary. At least, compared to the simple pursuit of progress rather than perfection.
Comparison
Social media, while a great tool for connection, has made comparison an ever-present temptation in our lives. It can be helpful to remember that nobody is perfect and nobody has it all put together as well as the highlights they post on social media—their vacations, achievements, and picture-perfect moments.
Of course, comparison existed before social media. Even many decades ago, Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But not only does it steal joy, it adds stress. Because the more time we spend comparing ourselves to others, the less we feel we are measuring up, the more pressure we put on ourselves to become someone we are not, and the more stressed we become.
Accumulating Debt
Americans now owe $1.3 trillion in credit card debt alone. Living beyond our means is a major source of financial stress—and financial stress is the number one cause of stress in America. Are there legitimate times and scenarios when expenses exceed income? Absolutely. And when we live even close to that line, stress will likely follow.
But not every person accumulating debt in America does so because of necessity. Sometimes the debt we accumulate is simply because of overspending and allowing consumerism to override our means. And when that is the case, the financial stress we experience is entirely self-imposed (and unnecessary.) Only you will know for sure, but I am one who can quickly attest that a simpler, debt-free life brings far more peace than the fleeting satisfaction of material possessions.
People-Pleasing
Trying to meet everyone’s expectations or avoid disappointing anyone can also lead to stress. When that becomes our goal or motivation, we spread ourselves too thin, saying “yes” to commitments that don’t align with our values, simply to keep the peace or gain approval. This can leave us drained, with little time to care for ourselves or find the peace of living life based on meaningful values.
Chronic Multitasking
In an effort to get more done in a world that is constantly on, many of us have fallen into the habit of multitasking. But research has shown that multitasking reduces efficiency and increases stress. Juggling multiple tasks at once may seem productive, but it often leads to mistakes and burnout, creating more stress in the long run.
Procrastination
Putting off important tasks is another way we invite unnecessary stress into our lives. The habit of delaying work that needs to be done only increases the stress we feel as deadlines approach—and contributes to ever-present, low-level stress knowing that a deadline is looming.
The anxiety of knowing something important is undone weighs on our minds, making it harder to focus on anything else. Procrastination leads to a cycle of stress that could be avoided by taking small, manageable steps toward completion. Here’s how to overcome it, by the way.
Unhealthy Habits
Many of the unhealthy habits we maintain can also be significant sources of stress in our lives. Overeating, not exercising, overworking, and even unhealthy addictions like smoking or excessive drinking add both physical and emotional stress. These habits, although they are not easy to break, often lead to unnecessary personal stress (and maybe even stress for our loved ones).
Everyone’s unhealthy habits may look different, but the impact is the same: they drain our energy, weaken our health, and add unnecessary stress to our lives.
But here’s the important thing: When we remove the unnecessary stress we bring into our lives, we create more space to handle the real stressors! We find ourselves more resilient and capable of facing life’s inevitable challenges.
It is a life-changing reality to discover that much of the stress we carry today is entirely optional. And with intentionality, we can choose to release it, freeing ourselves to live with greater peace and purpose.
