Have you ever wondered about the significance of emotions in our life? Emotions play a critical part in our lives and are contagious unless you know how to actually control them. Let me give you an example here: When you are with your loved ones, your mood changes instantly right? If they feel happy then you feel happy, and if they feel angry/sad then so do you. Starting to get what I was talking about in the beginning? Should you be feeling like that? In certain situations yes, but every time, no!
You may find it very hard to believe but it is NOT our responsibility to bear their feelings, this is something that they have to do themselves. Apart from this, we must also learn to control our feelings, and never ever be manipulated by our own feelings.
Let me give you my own example here. In the middle of a fight between your spouse or partner, they will say, “You really hurt my feelings”. Sometimes, you might even say: “You are making me angry”. What does this imply? It means that you have allowed the other person to emotionally manipulate you. Whenever this happens, you start blaming yourself, especially for the emotions that others are feeling. This is known as emotional projection, you must learn to control this or it will create co-dependency in relationships which is very harmful.
What should be your course of action here? It might seem rude when I say this but you really need to hear it. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHERS FEEL! This goes sideways, others are also not accountable for how you feel and that is our goal for today. Today, we will learn to be emotionally accountable and mature, doing so will result in a better and happier life.
Owning Your Feelings: What Does It Even Mean?
We often hear the term “Own your feelings”, what does this mean though? I will talk about this soon but there is one thing that you should know, if you change your beliefs, you will start taking ownership of your feelings. Always steer clear of emotional projection because if you venture into it, you will only be harming yourself.
Sometimes, in certain situations, instead of owning our feelings, we deflect them and make others feel guilty about how we are feeling. This is a subtle indication of gaslighting which is equally harmful, it can result in heated arguments and even guilt trips. Trust me, you must never engage in gaslighting.
In light of this situation, I would always advise you to Own Your Feelings. When I say this, I mean to take charge of your feelings, not deflect them back to the other person. Embrace them as a part of yourself because they are a part of you, right?
Yes, it is completely okay to not feel bad about yourself, this is when an emotional projection is done as a form of self-defense mechanism. You might not realize it at that time, but you are just blaming others and making them a target which is equally wrong.
I know that you must be feeling emotionally drained at times when it feels okay to shut down, but that isn’t the solution that I want you to go with. Today, I will share strategies for emotional maturity, embrace them and you will start feeling much better. Let’s start!
Strategies To Become Emotionally Mature: Path To Enlightenment
The path to becoming emotionally intelligent is very tough and not everyone is able to do it. Hopefully, with these strategies, you will not only become emotionally strong but will also improve as a person.
You Cannot Change Others
Just like you, everyone else is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions, it is completely normal. Keeping that in mind, it is better if you understand that you cannot change others, no matter how hard you try. Just like you can’t change others, they shouldn’t be able to change you.
Even if you try changing others, and their feelings you will only be hurting yourself in the process. For example, if you are going through a breakup, never try to go back to that person. Never justify things to them, no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to change them unless and until they themselves want to change.
The best course of action would be to change yourself, this is how you will become emotionally intelligent and happier.
Try Using “I” Statements
Whenever your feelings are disrupted or you get hurt, it is good to tell others how you really feel. Masking your feelings or trying to be emotionless will only harm you. You need to tell others how you feel about the situation but do so in a non-aggressive way. The best way to do this is by using “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Here is an example: “I feel miserable and heartbroken”. You should use this statement instead of, “You make me feel miserable and heartbroken”. See what I mean here?
You have just conveyed to the other person that you feel heartbroken in a very understandable manner. This approach is also non-aggressive and portrays you as emotionally mature.
Communicate Your Needs
People interact with us like we are mind readers sometimes, this happens mostly in relationships. Your partner would want you to know exactly what they want and when they want it, this can be extremely agonizing. Just as you aren’t a mind reader, others aren’t too. You need to communicate your needs to the other person, and they need to do the same with you.
When you can easily communicate your needs, never rely on expectations, this way you will only feel miserable. Share your needs with your loved ones and see the positive changes.
Mind Your Actions and Words
Oftentimes, we say a lot when we are emotional, especially when we are angry. If not controlled, this can have severe consequences, especially in your relationship. You need to mind whatever you say and do, this can either make the other person love or hate you. The strategy in a stressful situation is to focus on yourself instead of focusing on others, this will calm you down instantly.
Let’s say that you get into a fight with your spouse or partner, and you also get hurt. Would you allow your hurt feelings to start an argument? No, right? This is what I mean, focus on yourself in a situation like this and you will grow as a person and will also become emotionally mature.
Always Question Your Thoughts
Actions and words have the same importance, this is what I need you to understand. In some situations, your loved ones could be hurting you through their words or their actions, and you could also be wrong. You must not let negative thoughts question your judgment. What happens in more than 70% of situations is that we let negative thoughts take hold of us, this is completely wrong.
Whenever the other person is behaving in an upsetting manner, ask yourself if you have done anything to make them feel like that.
Take Responsibility For Your Actions
Just like your words, you need to take full responsibility for your actions. If you don’t own whatever you say or do, how can you become emotionally strong? Many people make silly excuses and don’t take responsibility for their actions, that is where they hurt others and themselves.
If you have made a mistake and hurt others in the process, apologize immediately. It won’t bring your self-respect down, it will actually elevate you as a person. You will become emotionally mature by doing this.
Always Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care is very important, I have seen many people who don’t take self-care seriously and it kills them from the inside. People who don’t actually take care of themselves use emotional projection as a form of self-defense, this can have haunting consequences.
Taking care of yourself should be prioritized over anything else, remember that!
Avoid Negative People
You are known by the company you keep, this is always true. If you are surrounded by happy and motivated people, you will always be happy. If you are surrounded by negative people that only bring others down then you will always feel miserable.
In order to be emotionally intelligent, you must have a good and supporting company by your side. Steer clear of people who emotionally manipulate others. Whenever you feel something like that, cut ties with them immediately.
You are the CEO of your life, hire, fire, and promote accordingly.
Motivational and Inspiring Quotes On Emotional Intelligence
Words have the power to move hearts and souls, and we know that these quotes on emotional intelligence will give you wisdom. Enjoy!
Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.
Robert Henri
Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we have a clear picture of it.
Benedict Spinoza
Experience is not what happens to you — it’s how you interpret what happens to you.
Aldous Huxley
Experiencing one’s self in a conscious manner–that is, gaining self-knowledge–is an integral part of learning.
Joshua M. Freedman
Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.
David Borenstein
For news of the heart, ask the face.
West African Saying
He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future.
Quevedo
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha
Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us out in marching onward.
Henry Ford
Realize that now, in this moment of time, you are creating. You are creating your next moment based on what you are feeling and thinking. That is what’s real.
Doc Childre
Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good.
William O’Rourke
Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions than salt water has on thirst.
Walter Weckler
The degree of one’s emotions varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts.
Bertrand Russell
The essential difference between emotion and reason is that emotion leads to action while reason leads to conclusions.
Donald Calne
The first and simplest emotion which we discover in the human mind, is curiosity.
Edmund Burke
The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
William James
There are emotions which are biologically oriented and then there are complex emotions which are saturated with thoughts and cognition.
Jack Mayer
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Kahlil Gibran
You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.
Dale Carnegie
Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.
Roger Ebert
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Khalil Gibran
There are certain emotions that will kill your drive; frustration and confusion. You can change these to a positive force. Frustration means you are on the verge of a breakthrough. Confusion can mean you are about to learn something. Expect the breakthrough and expect to learn.
Kathleen Spike, Master Certified Coach
There is no separation of mind and emotions; emotions, thinking, and learning are all linked.
Eric Jensen
Use pain as a stepping stone, not a camp ground.
Alan Cohen
We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ — not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.
Daniel Goleman
We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us — -how we can take it, what we do with it —- and that is what really counts in the end.
Joseph Fort Newton
Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.
Benjamin Franklin
When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.
Tara Meyer Robson
Where we have strong emotions, we’re liable to fool ourselves.
Carl Sagan
Watch: 7 Secrets To Becoming Mentally Tougher
We know that becoming emotionally mature is going to take some time, it is all about patience and consistency. Here are some secrets that will help you in becoming mentally tougher.
Recap
The journey of navigating emotions with grace and striving for emotional maturity is a profound and transformative one. It’s a journey that transcends mere self-awareness and delves deep into the realm of emotional intelligence. Throughout this exploration, we have uncovered the invaluable wisdom that emotional intelligence offers, and how it can profoundly enrich our lives.
Emotional maturity is not about suppressing or denying our feelings, nor is it about putting on a facade of stoicism. Instead, it is the art of acknowledging our emotions, understanding their origins, and learning how to respond to them in a way that aligns with our values and goals. It is the ability to harness the power of our emotions, rather than allowing them to control us.
Through this journey, we have come to understand that emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait; it is a skill that can be developed and refined over time. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to growth. We’ve learned that it’s okay to stumble and make mistakes along the way, for it is through these experiences that we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our emotions.
Like everything else in life, emotional maturity is not a destination, it is a lifelong pursuit. Once you understand this statement, things start falling into place. You must know that this is a shared journey, that we embark on alongside others, as we strive to create a world where compassion, empathy, and understanding flourish. It is a journey that leads us to a place of greater harmony, both within ourselves and in our relationships with those around us.
Hopefully, after going through this journey with me, you know yourself more than you knew before. There are a lot of benefits to becoming emotionally intelligent. Let me state some for you:
- Emotional Intelligence shows that you are willing to share responsibilities instead of just blaming others.
- Others support you in your bad times and get less defensive.
- You get to separate a person from the behavior, this is essential during conflicts.
These are only some of the benefits that I have shared, once you become emotionally intelligent, the benefits never stop. You grow and become a completely different person which is something you need to survive in this world. This is the path to emotional intelligence, embrace it!
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