This column is reprinted from The Transylvania Times in Brevard, NC.

By Joy Resor 

Joy Resor is an author of inspiring books, a spiritual mentor, and an Alliance of Divine Love Minister who leads classes supporting personal growth

Messages…signs…books…gut feelings…intuition…movies…doctors…healers…synchronicities…classes…and friends.

What breadcrumbs do you gather?

What messages are yours to notice, allowing you to enjoy better days?

I suffered, hiding my light for decades, wounded early by my family.

Big sister picked up words dad likely uttered as a joke, repeatedly sassing a litany my way: “Mom and Dad put you back in the hospital because you cried too much. Then they got the wrong baby back. You REALLY don’t belong in our family.”

Over time, I tucked inside myself, felt I didn’t belong anywhere, didn’t fit in.

And yet, I always was Joy, doing the best I could, following breadcrumbs/messages meant for me.

Beyond family patterns of neglect and emotional abuse, I thrived as I could — dancing under the radar — spending time with myself, nurturing inherent gifts. I skipped to my seat on a large rock in our yard where I wrote poems and wrote letters to distant relatives, not knowing where these activities would lead.

When dad intoned, “Baumblatts don’t get C’s!” these words arose from my depths, “I guess I’m not a Baumblatt.”

I won writing awards in competitions, wrote a column for the local paper, and received surprising messages of gratitude from distant relatives, becoming a joy to increasingly more humans.

We don’t know where our wounds and choices will lead, do we?

May we be true to ourselves despite circumstances.

May we discern messages/breadcrumbs on our journeys…open doors…discover helpful books…

May we accept the limits in our midst as we feed ourselves within.

May we maneuver as we’re able in painful situations, believing the best will come.

May we receive support along the way.

I’ve likely flourished amid all the stages of my life because I didn’t despair or identify with roles and traditions surrounding me.

In marriage, raising two children and being a devoted wife, I led journaling and poetry classes, edited the church newsletter, and loved our sons with layers of presence and kindness I hadn’t received growing up.

A year after our move from northeast Ohio to western North Carolina, my husband returned home one evening, uttering words about our marriage ending which hit my gut like a black cloud. I heard a voice within, “Take in this darkness. You need it. You’re going to transmute it.”

I sunk into candlelit baths, prayed, and journaled, not leaving our mountain home for five days. In town, the massage therapist sent me to Healthy Harvest with instructions to ask Stella for supplements. I returned home with a bit of hope, along with support to feel better and to sleep.

I’m able to live beyond white-gloved limits from family dysfunction I’d swallowed, live beyond the pain of our marriage ending, and collect increasing breadcrumbs as the days unfold.

By the time I turned 53, though, divinity likely felt weary with my epic identification as a Poster Child for Separation.

Returning from a spiritual retreat, I found sleep rocky. Unwinding in a healing bath before dawn, I received an eternal understanding that set me straight.

“Joy, you just don’t get it. With you in matter and me with the power of the Universe, what we can accomplish. Separation is an illusion. Oneness is all that exists.”

What a gift I’m given to release the core wound I carried for decades I didn’t belong.

Awake with new awareness, I’ve written books, moved a few times, traveled to spiritual conventions, and loved a few men on the journey to this relationship with my partner Michael.

These days, I’m humbly, happily living an aligned life with deep gratitude. I love moments, a daily spiritual practice, inspiring others, and all I’m called to do, which is what I deeply desire for you.

What messages are yours to notice?

What choices are yours to make?

Might you awaken beyond habitual, unconscious ways, letting subconscious programming from childhood deeply affect your current life?

Can you choose anew to love yourself more today than yesterday?

What will improve if you see in new ways the body you inhabit?

Might you see with fresh eyes what’s not working for you?

Is it time to live into days that flow well?